I woke up this morning and feelin ... tired.
i got changed and packed my stuff rdy for church.
when kor came to the study room i just gave a soft ''haiz'' and he ask '' why what happened?'' i told him '' yee shang has someone new''. he replied '' no wonder you were so sad last night'' o man, did he hear me sob last night?
from that moment my whole day was upside down.
kor told mei mei abt it.

while fetchin mei mei to church, i couldnt help thinking how lousy a boy friend i am/would make and i broke down. i couldnt help it. mei mei was just beside me, it was smthing wrong to do but i really ... couldnt take it.
How did u carry on so fast Shang? the only explanasion is that im usless? aint i? i must had suck as a boyfriend, didnt i ? i was never good enough for u ? i just wanted to let u know i did my best in this relationship.. i really did ='('''
When i walked into Juniors, i guess i wasnt smiling guess every1 knew immediately i wasnt alright (cuz that aint the real me). some came to ask about me. i just told them i slept late. Bet some didnt buy it.

For the first time siwei came to sunday school in ages. Praise the Lord. Uncle Jeff kept sayin '' Jerald you're quiet today... what do u think this passage is saying?''. but i was nv active in sunday school? y did he pick on me today? he knows im troubled too?
after sunday school, siwei came and put his arms around me. i did the same, i told him, the cousin i trusted all my live, everything all the way to the coffee shop.
i sat on another table, and with siweis hands still around me, thats where i broke down again... crying hard.. but i kept my head 90degrees down to the floor cuz church friends were all around. i forced myself stop. but it kept comin back immediately after i stopped. suddenly a pack of tissue sat before me. it was leroy. he came from 3 tables away to pass me the tissue and walked back. thanks leroy. i quickly wiped up my tears and sat with the rest.

Few mins later i really felt like i needed to be alone and so i picked up my bag quickly and swiftly i walked back towards chruch while every1 else was eating. after crossing the road, i could hear foot steps joggin towards me. i turned around and Nat put his arms around me '' Are you OK?''. those few words made me break down again. i cried real hard again and felt giddy losing my footing on the walk way and i remember takin a step on to the grass to get my balance. he walked me to the gates of church and that was where he shared with me his experience with his Ex and how she didnt turn up for his piano show and stuff. his sounded like few times worst than mine. there was even 1 day that his Ex sent him a good morning sms which started with Kenneth. I was thinking to myself if that was me, i would have killed myself. He then later showed me verses to Lamentations #:##. i odd'ta ask him again what it was.

At the L.Service i sat upstairs. and to my surprise Yau peng came to join me. we listened to sermon and talked abit too. We talked about lotsa stuff and event talked about his family being free thinkers and... other stuff... I realised that he was the 1 that got me talkin for the day. After the service, with this arms around me, Yau peng prayed for me. Immediately when he told the Lord to untie the knots in my life, i broke down for the last time. i was feeling very very bitter for that moment, but the moment was fast over.

Its probably the day i cried the most times. i seriously dont even remember breakin down so many times during my grandpa's funeral.

After lunch at AUPE, i fetched Nat home and went off to meed chris and the rest of the guys at KAP. i spoke to chris about this and im glad he didnt ignore me. i told him this long story but i thank him for lending me his ear and best of all he really made my day be buying me ice cream. damn he really knows his track pal best =')' thanks pal your the best.

My Heart remained sour all day... in the night i spoke to qi xin she seemed like she was really going to give up hope in comfortin me this time. i was begining to get more disheartened despite her consistent comforting. i was on the verge of going crazy ... until ... she told me smthing that TOTALLY stuck me.. '' okay. sigh. dont be down for too long. life goes on. its not gonna wait for you to finish being upset before continuing ah.'' That sentence shook me real hard. immediately i woke up. i told myself '' im wastin time man! IM WASTING TIME! she is right. she is DAMN right! i wanna choose to be happy! i want to Move ON!!!''O man... how can i ever repay u Qx. Thanks ='')''''

Thanks to all whom helped me in understanding me this day. May the Lord Bless you. And I thank the Lord for Blessing me with these friends! There is just too much i want to thank u guys about. Well,

Thanks a Million guys.

Thank you God
I Love you
Always
<3